Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence Red Flags

Abusive relationships are often preceded by some indication that there is a dynamic present that may become harmful. The sooner one can identify the abusive relationship identifiers, the sooner one may make a different choice and opt out of an interpersonal relationship where pain and drama could be the pervasive experience. Here are a list of identifiable red flags that shed light on the possibility that a relationship may be headed down an abusive pathway:   

  • Wants to move too quickly into the relationship.
  • Early in the relationship flatters you constantly, and seems “too good to be true.” 
  • Wants you all to him- or herself; insists that you stop spending time with your friends or family. 
  • Insists that you stop participating in hobbies or activities, quit school, or quit your job.
  • Does not honor your boundaries. 
  • Is excessively jealous and accuses you of being unfaithful.
  • Wants to know where you are all of the time and frequently calls, emails, and texts you throughout the day.
  • Criticizes or puts you down; says you are crazy, stupid, and/or fat/unattractive, or that no one else would ever want or love you.
  • Takes no responsibility for his or her behavior and blames others.
  • Has a history of abusing others.
  • Blames the entire failure of previous relationships on his or her former partner; for example, “My ex was totally crazy.”
  • Takes your money or runs up your credit card debt.
  • Rages out of control with you but can maintain composure around others.              
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